Quote

"Sometimes the thrill of victory begins with the fear of failure."

- Rachel Burnett (who thought she heard it as a lyric in a song - but after I googled the lyrics to give appropriate credit -the line didn't exist. . .so I just think she's deep)

Uriah Sebastien Marcellus Lynton Emerson, I

Today I begin my 6.5 week affair with Uriah Sebastein Marcellus Lynton Emerson, I (as in "the first"; aka: USMLE I)

Uriah = "God is my Light"
Sebastien = "venerable" (which means comands respect)
Marcellus = "young warrior"
Lynton = "God given Endurance"
Emerson - "Ruler of work"

I hope he treats me well - I'm afriad its going to be a love-hate relationship. . .but well worth it. I'll keep you up to date on the current state of "affairs."

Note: Lynton actually means "town near the brook" - which is boring. . .I liked the meaning of the name Ethanael, but already had Emerson for my E - so since I'm totally making this stuff up, I say that Lynton means what I said it means above. . . Yeah, its going to be a long 6.5 weeks!

A Good Day

Last night at 8pm, I got a Text Message that read "Reminder: Murmer's Birthday" and I smiled.

She loved me so much - and I knew it. She was so cute - she fell in love with Landon's friend Brian & decided that I needed to marry him - but instead of keeping this idea to herself, she told everyone. She even had our picture posted on her TV, and any time someone would come over, she'd show them the picture and ask them to pray about us (I'm NOT exaggerating!) For her birthday last year, I got him to sign her birthday card along with Landon & I - and she loved it!

She is celebrating her birthday in Heaven this year - and I'm sure she's the life of the party! She probably is probably teaching my grandfather how to play "joker" (which I always mis-pronounced as "poker") and bragging on her grandkids. I want to sign off with this picture which is her & I taking a picture at a slot machine on our family cruise last Christmas.

Happy Birthday Murmer - I love you!

He's all grown up

I just "talked" to my little bro - it is the first real time I've talked to him since he began his new job. . .he's doing great & loving it! The child lives 45 minutes away from his downtown Dallas office, so he has to leave his house by 7am (pre-job, Landon used to go to bed around 7am!) He is working for a risk consulting group & so far it sounds like they are working him hard - but he's loving it!

He also loves the nightlife - which for Landon means going to the baseball game. Counting tomorrow night, Landon will have been to 3 Ranger baseball games in 4 days (each time with a different group of people/person). He's excited about finding a good church there.

I'm sure you are scanning this entry looking for some mention of "I miss him" or something else mushy like that. . .well here is the closest you'll find: today during my exams, I really wanted someone to bring me a chicken salad - so I grabbed my phone, pushed Landon's number on my speedial, but before I let it ring him, I remembered "oh yeah, he's not a bumb anymore." So I had to make due with eating a broken granola bar that Ellen found in the bottom of her bag - Thanks El! I think you saved my Neuropsychiatry grade!

At the end of our phone conversation, I said something to the effect of "goodnight Landon, I love ya" - to which he simply replied "uh. . .bye" - but after I said, "what was that?" he quickly replied "luvya bye" (or something close to that). . .I'll take it none the less.

growing old - but haven't grown up

Why, oh why does it only happen right before exams. . .once again I've gotten sick right before we begin two weeks of intense exams. I had to go to bed early last night due to a high fever & feeling "icky" - which, by the way, is a perfect way to describe how I felt. I put 3 blankets on my bed and still felt as if I were freezing. . .I tried to call my mom, but she didn't answer - so I finally feel asleep and slept for 13 hours.

Today is somewhat better, except that I'm having to study all the time. I laid down for an hour and a half, but was awoken by someone ringing my doorbell - it was my dear sweet friend/neighbor Jamie - my mother had tried to call me four times and couldn't get me, so she had called her to come and check on me. I called my mother to tell her she was a little psycho, and at the end of our conversation, my mom asked me "Do you need me to come up and take care of you?" I said "no mom, I'll survive. . .I AM 25 years old." But, in truth, I really wanted her to come. So 25 years old or not - I still "want my mommy."

P.S. Its about 9PM & I was afriad that my temperature was spiking again, so before I took my acetominophen (which blocks COX-1 and COX-2) I decided to take my temp - the thermometer said: 95.5 F. . .dang! What am I supposed to do now?

you might not want to mess with me. . .

I have 8 med school finals and two MBA class assignments to conquer in the next two weeks. . .not to mention that Step 1 exam coming up in less than 2 months - and, I must warn you, the last two days of medical school classes has taught me how to make a suicide look like a homicide & how to make a homicide look like a suicide...I would give examples - but that seems a little disturbing.

P.S. Speaking of disturbing - the above paragraph is a little odd. . .Not to worry - I'm not going to go off & kill anyone - but I'm currently reading/studying about people who would. . .who know that Neuropsychiatry could be so interesting? I will be back to my jovial self on June 15th!

Spoiled - and lovin' every minute of it!

I dedicate this post to my dear friend Lina - who missed my "random thoughts" so much over this past week that she actually posted a comment (see previous post comments)

Hi. My name is Larissa, and I'm spoiled.

In order to understand me, I'm going to have to start back at the beginning - like me being born. My parents and their 3 year old son, Leslie, were living a a small 3 bedroom house in a nice neighboorhood; then my mom found out she was pregnant with me, so they bought me a bigger house. I grew up as the only girl in my mom's side of the family, and I really believe that I was one of my grandad's favorites on my dad's side - so I was loved . . .and spoiled.

Fast-forward to this week: I am in Medical School, and my air-conditioner in my car broke - which isn't an absolute necessity, but pretty necessary seeing as how our weather will break 100 in less than a month! So, instead of me taking my car to the shop & either bumming rides off my friends or renting a car, my momma traded cars with me this past weekend & I'm now driving her "wihte ykuon" (I intentionally scrambled the words because I'm kind of parking in the visitors lot at school right now - and I don't want the mean TTHSC parking natzis to know which car is mine!)

I also had this crazy idea that I wanted to re-arrange my house after the departure of my beloved little bro (no, he didn't croak - he just moved to Dallas to begin his job so he could quit bumming off of me!) So, somehow I convinced my older brother to come to Lubbock and move my bedroom into the office, the office into Landon's bedroom, and Landon's bedroom into mine - he did it - and it is marvelous! Thanks Leslie - you're awesome!

Unfortunatley, Med School hasn't gotten the memo that I am special and deserve special treatmeant, so I'm going to have to stop blogging for now & study until I crash . . .but at least I get to do so in my new office (which, by the way, is complete with white boards & cork boards!)

It makes sense now

Yesterday I had a breakthru - something that should have been obvious these past two years. . .and yet I just realized it. At school they were having a residency fair - the hall was jam-packed with people. There were residency programs from all over the state lining the hall & tons of my classmates were walking around sizing everyone up. I was once again reminded that my days of competing did not end the day I got my acceptance letter to my #2 choice school (yes, this does play into my blog) - I am going to have to compete once again to obtain a residency - however that is not the point.

A few of my fellow classmates & I snagged a table to consume some of the free food - and we began to talk about what we each felt like the "call" of our lives were. Ms. Ellen wants to be a peditrican who spends the majority of her time on the mission field, Mr. Steve wants to do two things - he wants to provide medical care to people who would otherwise not get it, but he also wants to be proactive about getting other non-medical people involved in the missions process. Ms. Lina wants to be involved as much as she can, but she doesn't really feel the call to serve full-time, and I really want to use my MBA degree in Health Operations Management to organize a medical mission group that has some doctors that are full-time missionary doctors, but also brings in groups of other health care professionals (like on their vacations) and other people to not only help run the clinic, but so that they can also get the opportunity to minister to people & to help out.

We each randomly threw out our ideas of what we feel in our hearts is the call of our future professional lives - and then it clicked - the reason why we are all here - the reason why we snagged a table together & have been talking randomly over the past years - this wasn't random at all - this was God putting us in a town and at a school so that we could learn the knowledge and gain the relationships to do something so much bigger than be mere doctors - we are going to change the world!

"For I know the plans I have made for you . . .they are plans for good. . .to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Guess what today is. . .

Happy Birthday

Mom!!!

Life is like. . .an order of Sonic Tator Tots

Yeah, you read it correctly. . .I don't know about you, but when I go to Sonic (which is MUCH RARER these days since my recent vow to "eat and drink healthier") and get some meal deal because I don't want to take the extra 47.9 seconds to actually order items separatley & then explain to them that "no, I don't want to add tots or fries and make it a meal deal. " So today, I was quick about it "I'd like a #4, grilled with a diet vanilla coke. . .thanks" SORRY, I've gotten off topic (is "gotten" a word? - - hmmm)

OKAY to the point: So I open up my bag to eat my "taters" as I drive home, and low & behold I got something extra in the mix - usually you can always count on a lone fry making it into the little container of tator tots - but today, I got something special. . .I got a little piece of chicken strip breading - and it was very good! So, being as how I'm a graduate student/professional student - I of course thought of this analogy.

Sometimes we go about our day thinking that we know exactly what we are going to get. I get up, go to class, hear a guy read word-for-word off his power point presentation; go home study, get anti-productive, go to a coffee shop and study; come home, go to the park, run with Jez, come home, study, go to bed. . .if I rushed through these things a handfull at a time, then my life would be repetitive and mundane; however, I've found that it I take things one-at-a-time I am able to find hidden treasures along the way.

I see a lady at the park, whom I can tell is a chemotherapy patient by the hue of her skin, atropy of her muscles, cap on her head, and plastic mask over her face. . .and I simply smile at her and say, "its a nice day" - to which she replies "it sure is." To me, instead of seeing her as a "poor lady who has cancer" I see a woman who takes pride in her walk at the park as a way to stay "normal" in the midst of an abnormal circumstance.

Lesson: eat your "taters" one at a time - cause if you don't, you might miss a little treasure!

April 7th

Today is exactly 32 years since a head-strong 24 year old Lila Williams married a simple country boy Larry Adkins who had a deep intellect (including religion, business and literature) hidden behind his soft-spoken demeanor. Both were the eldest children from their respected respectable families - and yes, both were typical oldest children, but they made their marriage work. She dedicated her career to helping lifelong education, and he took over his family farming business. They loved God, each other, and their three children. These two people aren't just people - they are my parents.

This picture was taken in 2002 on a cruise to Mexico.

Mom - you are awesome - I'm so glad that I get to talk to you (almost) everynight. Thank you for your love & support & your complete and total honesty (even though sometimes I don't want to hear it). I'm so thankful for you and your love!

Dad - my heart is both empty and full at the exact same time - I miss you so much & yet you are still such a huge part of my life. Thank you for everything you taught us & the love you showed to Mom, the boys & me and for the deep Christian faith you lived out so well - it it weren't for that, I don't know how we could have ever made it through loosing you.

Freak out moment (which will last for 2 months!)

So, I logged into Kaplan last night (which our lovely Medical School has graciously provided us to help prepare us for our Step 1 USMLE) - and I was reading the section about "how to use Kaplan" - and it had it split up into two sections: If you have more than 3 months to study AND If you have less than 3 months to study. I was randomly reading - and suddenly I got out my little fingers and began counting - "Today is April 5th, and my test is on June 14th - lets see. . .thats 1, two months and 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 days. . .so I have two months and 9 days. . .wait TWO MONTHS and NINE DAYS - that puts me in the "less than 3 months" category - and I don't really know anything yet. . .AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

So I did what any sane medical school student would do - I vowed to start studying. . .tomorrow. . . & went to bed.

Good night, sleep tight, Hopefully at last, I'll start studying and pass!

Conversation between me & the Cable Lady

Cable Lady (CL) - This is CL, how can I help you today?

Me - I would like to switch my cable bill from my brothers name into my name.

CL - okay, can I get your address/bill number/social security number/bank account number/pin/a pint of your blood?

Me - yes, but first, is this going to cost me anything to simply switch names?

CL - It shouldn't

Me - okay (delete part about numbers)

CL - alright, I'm going to disconnet the services and reconnect them in your name, but first I'm going to need to run a credit background check on you.

Me - excuse me

CL - yes, I need your (blah, blah, blah) and a credit card number

Me - why do you need the credit card number

CL- it costs $10 for a background check

Me - why do you need a background check if I'm already the one paying the bills - I just want you to change the name on the account; plus you said this isn't going to cost me anything

CL - I said it "shouldn't"

Me - but now you're saying it does

CL - does what?

Me - cost me something

CL - no, switching the name does not cost anything, its the background check that costs $10.

Me - nevermind

CL - excuse me?

Me -nevermind, I'll just keep my $10 and continue to pay the bills, even though they are in my brother's name

CL - but we'll need to do a background check

Me - you're telling me that I am not allowed to pay the cable bill unless I have a clean background check?

CL - this is just a precaution.

Me - So, if you do a background check & it comes back bad, then you aren't going to allow me to pay you money that I owe you?

CL - not exactly

Me - lets just forget that I called.

CL - okay.

Someone stole my stuff!

Oh wait. . .it was Landon - and I guess the couch, love seat, blender, toaster, bed frame, chest of drawers, ect. . .was actually his to begin with. Yes, the day has finally come - Landon is moving. He & his new roommate Drew are leaving out tomorrow for the Big D. It is kind of sad - I mean, what am I supposed to do without a couch?

What goes up must come down

Dear Blog-Reader People,

I have recently been inspired by reading someone's online journal - so I may change my format up a little bit & might post some deeper & maybe meaningful of my "random thoughts." To be honest, I'm a little bummed right now - there are tons of reasons for that. . .but I won't go into that in this format - but my question is - why do I think I always have to be in a good mood?

Let's think about that - if I were ALWAYS in a good mood, then could I classifly it as a "good" mood -or would my euthymic level just be elevated to a level higher than normal (yes, I've been doing my Psychiatry homework, for you non-Med school people, the definition of euthymic is a mood which is neither elevated nor depressed). . .or is my constant "good" mood now solidified by the fact that I have been in a "bad" mood for the past several days? The way I see it, in order for me to maintain MY status-quo, this past few days of mal-temperment is necessary so that later this week when I get back to normal, I can say "I'm in a good mood" and not be lying.

Enough of that - my Challenge group will be here in 1.25 hours & my house is a wreck - so I'm going to "fake clean" it. By the way, I love the time change - it stays light longer. . .which means I'll be spending an extra hour at SBs before having to come home & run with Jez!

For I will Not Believe You

Are you getting married/breaking up/getting together/pregnant/quitting school/joining the circus/getting a dog/quitting your job/finiding a new job FAR FAR away/moving/staying here/deathly ill/having a wreck/accidently turning your hair green. . .ect. . .

Don't tell me about it today - for it is April Fools Day. . .and I will NOT believe you.